”Congratulations!” is my typical first reaction when a sweet man walks into my shop and a little shyly asks to look at some rings because there's something important he'd like to ask his girlfriend. It IS an important question to ask, and therefore, it's also crucial that the ring is absolutely right. So, when is a ring ”absolutely right”? Your proposal will be a success if, with the ring, you demonstrate how well you know her and her taste. That way, you make it perfectly clear to her that she has found a man who is genuinely interested in her and loves her exactly as she is. You'll find the ring through careful observation and (discreet) questions:
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Sneak a look in her jewellery box to determine: are the jewels opulent or delicate? Does she prefer white or gold metals? Does she like colourful stones, muted colours, or diamonds?
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What style does she generally prefer when it comes to clothing? Does she prefer a classic or more mixed style? Or perhaps she goes wild with a romantic bohemian look? Does she value individuality and rock her own unique style, or does she enjoy following trends?
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Does she prefer symmetry or asymmetry? Look at her jewellery, clothing choices, furniture, and the way she arranges things in her home.
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Perhaps on previous occasions, she has pointed out rings to you? This is, of course, a rather strong hint that she wouldn't mind you asking her the question, but also a clear help when you need to decide what she likes – pay attention to these hints!
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Are there any symbols or designs that hold particular significance for her, or for the two of you? Does she love her garden? Did you meet on an elephant in India? Does the sea play a big part in her life? Consider whether you want to incorporate some of these elements into the design of her ring.
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Does she have an opinion regarding the origin of the objects she surrounds herself with? In this case: Would she be concerned about whether the materials are sourced in an ethically responsible manner? Or does it matter more to her that the materials are of the best possible quality?
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How comfortable will she be wearing a ring of a certain value? Will she hardly dare to wear it or will she proudly show it off?
You'll become a bit of a snooping love detective as you investigate and consider all these factors, and you might need help. Therefore, consider allying yourself with her best friends and family so that you can considerably reduce the risk of costly mistakes.
The Gem – the crown jewel
Almost all engagement rings feature one or more precious stones, most commonly a diamond, and more rarely a sapphire or ruby as the centre stone. The reasons why most people choose a diamond for this important everyday ring, which is sure to be worn for many years to come, are many.
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A diamond is incredibly beautiful. There is no other gemstone that sparkles quite like it.
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A diamond has a certain price. This can be quite frustrating, but when you give someone a diamond, it also conveys an important message: ”To me, you are as precious as this diamond.”
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Diamonds are the most durable gemstones on Earth. This fact is practical, as it ensures that it will look just as beautiful on the day, far in the future, when your loved one is carried out feet first, as it did the day you set it on her finger. Furthermore, its indestructibility also conveys a nice message about how durable your love is. Just to put things into perspective: If you look at the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, you will find talc and salt right at the bottom. Then the scale moves up through the range of various gemstones until it ends at number 9 with corundum – rubies and sapphires. And then, almost three times as hard as sapphires and rubies, diamonds rise at number 10, far above all other stones.
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Colourless (white) diamonds are a classic choice, whether they're set in a symmetrical solitaire or a more special ring with asymmetrical details. The reason, of course, is that the colour is neutral – it will visually match any outfit your beloved might wear, and the risk of her eventually growing tired of it is quite small, unlike a more vibrant colour. However, if she is a colourful person, she might perhaps love grass green! Luckily, diamonds also come in a range of beautiful colours – both naturally (which are quite expensive) and treated (which cost about the same as white diamonds).
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Would you like to know more about the 4 Cs that determine a diamond's quality and therefore its price? It's wise, as it's certainly an advantage to be able to make an informed choice if you are considering including a diamond in the engagement ring you will propose with. Become a mini-expert in diamonds reading this article.
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What could it be that diamonds seem to be the worldwide choice for engagement rings? Read the exciting story of, How the diamond ended up on top of the engagement ring Here.
Sapphires and rubies – the second choice
If you believe a diamond won't make your beloved's heart beat faster, consider sapphires or rubies. As mentioned, they aren't nearly as hard as diamonds, but with a second-place on the Mohs scale, they are still the second hardest of all gemstones, meaning in practice that it will sparkle for many years to come. Once the love of your life has become an old and wise woman, the facets (like us humans) will be a little worn. If the stone is sufficiently precious, it may well be worth taking it out of its setting (which by then will probably need some loving attention anyway) to be re-ground and then reset in the ring.
Depending on the colour, rubies and sapphires can actually be even more valuable than standard white diamonds. In other words, these gemstones are not a second-rate choice – simply another option. Here’s a curious fact, by the way: Sapphires and rubies are actually exactly the same stone – called corundum – but depending on the colour, they are categorised as two different stones: Sapphires, which are known for their blue colour, are actually available in the entire spectrum of the rainbow, including colourless or white sapphires. If the sapphire has a cool red or magenta colour, it is classified as a ruby.
An oval blue sapphire, surrounded by diamonds, has been a classic engagement ring choice ever since Prince Charles proposed to Lady Diana with such a ring. In other words: if it was good enough for the British Royal Family, it's probably good enough for her engagement ring, if you think she won't be happy with a diamond.
Next step – now you need to make a choice
Once you've established her tastes, you need to make a decision before you head out browsing the internet and making trips to physical stores in your quest for the perfect ring: If there's a particular jewellery brand she loves, choose a ring from there. If she sees herself as a unique individual who strives to surround herself with objects that reflect her individuality, then consider having a bespoke engagement ring designed for her. If she's into a completely classic style, choose a symmetrical and classic design, either from a regular jeweller or have it custom-designed so the ring lives up to her exact vision of the ultimate engagement ring.
Size
Whether you end up choosing a mass-produced or custom-designed ring, it's important that the size is right. Most jewellers can adjust the ring a few sizes up or down, depending on the design, but the closer you get to the right size, the better. It's simply much more fun to actually place the ring on her finger when you propose, than to have to put it back in the box until it's been adjusted. Here are some tips on how to determine the right size without her noticing:
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Discreetly borrow one of her rings (which you know fits the finger it's meant for) and take it to your jeweller, who will take a precise measurement.
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If this is not an option, then use a vernier caliper to measure the inner diameter of the ring. Measure a few times in different directions – if you end up with slightly different measurements, then take an average. Your jeweller can calculate an approximate size based on this measurement.
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Use one of her friends as an ally: She could take your girlfriend to a jeweller where they can both try on rings and get their sizes measured. Alternatively, she could let your girlfriend try on her own rings and then have a similar one brought in to a jeweller to be measured.
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There are also other ways to determine the size that are not quite as discreet. Read more about How to find a ring size Here.
How you design together at the goldsmith's
If you choose to have a unique ring created for her, you should bring all the data you have gathered to your chosen jeweller, along with examples of rings that you feel more or less match the style you think she would like. You can find these rings on the jeweller's own website and other sites, and they serve as a starting point for the jeweller to create a completely unique design. If you come to me, I will start our collaboration by asking questions and thereby narrowing down the type of woman you intend to propose to and what would make her happy specifically. Together, we will look at the examples you've brought and decide what works and what doesn't. Consider this process like playing with LEGO: we might take the overall shape from one ring, the dimensions from another, the surface from a third, the setting from a fourth, and the gemstone from a fifth ring – plus perhaps that special detail that will give the ring extra meaning for her specifically.
And then we start to draw. Sometimes we manage to capture all wishes in the very first drawing, other times several are needed before the design hits just right. When you feel the design is spot on, we start to shape all your research and our joint design effort into a tangible piece of love, created to be placed on her finger when you are ready to ask her: Will you marry me?
Feeling inspired? Take a look at a selection of the many different Handmade engagement rings we have created for other customers, or book an appointment for a design meeting immediately:
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